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From the Press Box: I need a nickname

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Welcome to "From the Press Box", where Raw Charge's reluctant-yet-enthusiastic correspondent in the Amalie Arena press box, Clark Brooks, takes you behind the scenes of the exciting world of watching hockey from the rafters for the purpose of writing articles about it.

NASCAR: Bojangles' Southern 500
What the heck is this crazy thing??
Jasen Vinlove-USA TODAY Sports

The best thing about having a team-issued credential to cover the Lightning is that I'm a Lightning fan, and I like to believe that being a credentialed member of the media allows me to be an ambassador on behalf of fellow fans who will never get to experience the game of hockey that way. Through this weekly column, I'll be sharing peeks behind the magical media curtain with you. Today, we're going to talk about how I deserve to be called something that isn’t on my birth certificate.

It occurred to me that I’ve been at this sports writing thing long enough to have earned a nickname, a familiar or humorous sobriquet bestowed upon a beloved individual by those who belove him or her (me). Just like all the legendary old sportswriters who all had colorful nicknames, the only one of whom I can think of or even find on Google being Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith. I thought there would be more. I haven’t been at it long to have earned that kind of honor, but since when does a consistent track record of producing above-average content mean anything?

I’ve heard people refer to Erik Erlendsson, probably the most respected and revered hockey writer in the Tampa Bay area, as “E” but that’s probably by people too lazy or busy to tie themselves up saying second syllables. At any rate, he’s the only local scribe with anything close to a nickname, and no, slurs, aspersions and insults don’t count.

I’ve never had a nickname (again, slurs, aspersions and insults don’t count) and now, as a self-proclaimed veteran of the writing of sports, I want one.

“Red”
It’s been taken. Besides, I don’t have red hair, so it wouldn’t make sense. Also, I don’t have hair. Shut up.

“Pops”
I’m older than everybody else on staff here at Raw Charge, so it fits on that level. Also, it would be nice to be regarded as a kindly father figure bestowing wisdom and guidance from a mature, patient temperament developed over a number of years. But if any of these little punks ever called me “pops”, I think I’d put them in a sack and throw it off a bridge.

“Boom Boom”, “Gump”, “The Rocket”
All truly great hockey nicknames, for sure. But for players, not writers. Although, I do fall down sometimes, so maybe I could get away with “Boom Boom”.

“C”
If Eric Erlendsson can be “E”, maybe I could be “C”. The problem there is my name is the K-sounding C, not the S-sounding C so it doesn’t really fit. C is a dumb, unnecessary letter, which can be replaced in every instance with a K or an S. It serves no purpose of it’s own.

This is a Lightning blog, providing coverage of the Tampa Bay Lightning for Tampa Bay Lightning fans. With that in mind, what could be a good Tampa Bay Lightning hockey-derived nickname?

  • “Ol’ Tesla Fingers”
  • ”Zappy”
  • “The Ybor Ydiot”
  • “ThunderTyper”
  • “Ol’ PenaltyPants”
  • “Mark Twain-Minute Major”
  • “The Amalie Anomaly”
  • “Stephen Ice-King”
  • “Bolty McBoltface”
  • “The Chakespeare of Channelside”
  • “Kurt Vinikgut”
  • “The High Stickin’ Hick from French Lick” (probably should save this one in case Larry Bird ever writes for Raw Charge) [I’ll get right on that. - Acha]
  • “Edgar Allen PIM”
  • “Oscar Minnesota Wilde”
  • “F. Scott Philesposito”
  • “A Guy Who Knows Eric Erlendsson”

Some of these have potential. I’ll think about it and get back to you.