As you may have heard, the Tampa Bay Lightning are doing quite well in the playoffs this year, and as a result, closet and fairweather fans from around the continent will be coming out to watch the Eastern Conference Finals in their local watering holes, or maybe over at their friend’s house because he has a really big TV.
“Oh yeah, Auntie Sue gave me a Lightning t-shirt back in ’98,” these fans will say. “But they sucked then, and I never wore it. I wonder if I still have it?”
If you are this type of fan and you find yourself surrounded by other “insta-fans” (just add one playoff run and shake), you may find awkward pauses during the actual games, because you actually know jack-ola about the Bolts.
If this is the case, we suggest playing The Official Lightning-Bruins Playoff Drinking Game (not actually official). This will get the beer flowing, make for some chit-chat with the other bandwagon jumpers, and should make for a good night of cheering for a team you’ve never even actually watched before.
Of course, hardcore and longtime fans can also play, as long as they aren’t driving home. Remember, drink yourself into nihilistic oblivion responsibly. And if you’re underage or don’t drink alcohol, just substitute juice for beer, and see who can hold out the longest without using the bathroom.
The rules are below the jump. And we want your suggestions! More rules mean more drinking.
The rules for The Lightning-Bruins Drinking Game are simple. When you see or hear a “rule in play,” take a sip. Advanced players can take a gulp if they choose.
Rule 1: Drink when you hear any reference to Dwayne Roloson‘s age.
Rule 2: Drink when you hear any reference to Zdeno Chara’s size.
Rule 3: Drink when you hear any reference to Martin St. Louis‘ size.
Rule 4: Drink when you hear Martin St. Louis referred to as the “heart and soul” of the Lightning.
Rule 5: Drink when you hear anything about Vincent Lecavalier‘s “resurgence.”
Rule 6: Drink whenever it’s mentioned that St. Louis and Tim Thomas played together at the University of Vermont.
Rule 7: Drink whenever Thomas’ goaltending style is described as “unorthodox.”
Rule 8: Drink at any mention of Bruins “history” or “tradition.”
Rule 9: Drink at any use of the term “Big Bad Bruins.”
Rule 10: Drink any time the Bruins perform an act of overt violence that is “not a hockey play.”
Rule 11: Drink any time a Bruin checking a Lightning player is shown in replay three or more times.
Rule 12: Drink any time the Lightning “flip the switch” and score a goal, seemingly at will.
Rule 13: Drink whenever an announcer expresses disbelief that Tyler Seguin isn’t on the ice for the full sixty minutes.
Rule 14: Drink whenever an announcer mentions that the Bruins are “really missing” Patrice Bergeron.
Rule 15: Drink at any incorrect mention of Roloson or Eric Brewer being acquired in “deadline deals.”
We want to hear from you! Give us your rules in the comment section, and make sure you’ve got a ride home. See you in the gutter!
(Adapted from a post at Frozen Sheets Hockey. Follow @nolanwhyte).
